TW: MISOGYNY TW: SLURS
If you are one of the people that think Shae ‘got what was coming to her’ then you may now unfollow me, move many many thousands of miles away (maybe go live on another planet) so we don’t have to share the same air, and then teach yourself some basic human empathy before rejoining society.
Shae is so much more easy to like in the show than in the books too, and it STILL doesn’t stop people from saying shit like this. Disgusting. This fandom is hopeless and disgusting.
If you think anything like these people yeah basically you can stop following me.
side note: i don’t like the “next civil rights” language on the cover because it erases the fact that laverne’s experiences aren’t just that of being a trans woman. laverne cox is a black trans woman. that is important.
to suggest that the ongoing lack of civil rights for black folks in this country doesn’t directly inform the particular form of transmisogyny she receives is ridiculous in a world where black trans women are disproportionately affected by both physical and economic violence.
^^^^^ very true
There are people who think the UCSB shooting was an isolated incident, that he was just a “crazy, lonely kid.” There are people who think that the way our society is had nothing to do with this shooting.
I guess they forgot about when a 16 year old girl was stabbed to death for turning down a date to prom.
Or when a man attacked a 29 year old married woman in India for resisting his come on’s and telling her husband. After being stabbed 14 times, she died.
Or when, just after that, another man attacked a different women for essentially being “friend zoned.”
I guess they forgot the time a man beat up a woman for resisting his sexual advances and the bystander who tried to intervene.
They must have forgotten about when a man followed a woman into a bathroom at a club in New York and beat her for rejecting him.
But hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe misogyny has nothing to do with it.
By, Leo Babauta (Zen Habits)
The shootings near Santa Barbara on Friday night hit too close to my heart: my daughter attends college at UC Santa Barbara and lives minutes from where this tragedy happened.
She’s safe, but shaken not only by the nearness and severity of this hate crime … but by the misogynistic diatribes by some men she’s been reading online. These are men who agree with the sentiments of the killer’s “war on women”, who call him their hero.
That’s unbelievable to me, but it highlights a huge problem in our society: that women are objectified, treated like toys, treated like meat, insulted, abused, raped, and then made to feel it’s their fault. Sure, not all men do it, but the fact that pretty much every woman experiences some degree of this fear and humiliation is horrifying.
It’s horrifying as a father of three daughters, who will have to experience this their whole lives, worrying about being raped if they walk alone, putting off unwanted sexual advances, being made to feel like a slut.
And it’s worrying as a father of teen-age sons, who will either participate in this type of treatment of women, or watch as it happens … or perhaps become a part of the solution.
I’d like to speak today to my fellow parents who are raising young men … whether your sons are in college, high school or middle school, let’s talk to them.
Let’s teach them what it’s like to respect women.
Let’s let them read the YesAllWomen discussion going on right now, and help them see the point of view of women who have been abused or raped, who feel degraded or unsafe, who are treated as things that must give sex to more powerful men. Let’s let them hear the stories, so they can understand, empathize.
Let’s have this discussion, because if it’s not talked about, nothing will change.
Let’s set the example for them, and treat women with respect, with compassion, as equals and not objects.
Let’s talk to them when they see TV shows or movies or music videos where women are portrayed as sex objects, and why that happens, and how to see them as fellow human beings instead.
Let’s talk to them about what it’s like to feel powerless when someone wants to violate you, use your body without your permission, treat you as less than human.
Let’s help them open their hearts, as we try to open our own, to feel the pain of the victims of abuse, without blaming them for their choices, blaming them for how they dress.
Let’s talk about how we as a society shame women for how they dress, which of their body parts they show, but never make men feel that way. A guy can go shirtless but a woman can’t show her shoulders or bra strap.
Let’s talk about “slut shaming” and how we make girls feel bad if they enjoy sex as much as a guy does. I know I’ve participated in this myself in the past, and have only in recent years been changing my behavior.
Change is possible, but it has to start with us.
Let’s make this world a better place for our daughters, our mothers, our sisters, our friends. Our fellow human beings. Because every one of us deserves to feel respected, and safe.
Q: One of the criticisms of Breaking Bad that keeps coming up is over the female characters. Skyler White is seen by some as this henpecking woman who stands in the way of all of Walt’s fun.
Vince Gilligan: Man, I don’t see it that way at all. We’ve been at events and had all our actors up onstage, and people ask Anna Gunn, “Why is your character such a bitch?” And with the risk of painting with too broad a brush, I think the people who have these issues with the wives being too bitchy on Breaking Bad are misogynists, plain and simple. I like Skyler a little less now that she’s succumbed to Walt’s machinations, but in the early days she was the voice of morality on the show. She was the one telling him, “You can’t cook crystal meth.” She’s got a tough job being married to this asshole. And this, by the way, is why I should avoid the Internet at all costs. People are griping about Skyler White being too much of a killjoy to her meth-cooking, murdering husband? She’s telling him not to be a murderer and a guy who cooks drugs for kids. How could you have a problem with that?
Children, never EVER join a fandom where the lead is a troubled white man.
Asian American and Asian women stereotypes
If you’re willing to sit through a 15 minute video, take some time to see this. This video explains where the stereotypes and fetishization of Asian women came from.
We may decry “bad behavior” or outlandish sexual antics, but they are what keep celebrities in the spotlight in a media culture where constant attention is required to remain relevant. This is especially true for females, if only because there are more roles for Paul Giamatti than there are for Margo Martindale. Young women are taught by society at large to express their alleged adulthood not by actually pursuing adult interests or increasing their foothold in society but merely by more overtly acknowledging or exploiting their sexuality in a fashion purely intended to carnally impress the men around them.
Our society, or at least our pop culture, designates adulthood as the time when actresses start wearing revealing clothing on the red carpet or start taking roles or shooting music videos that require minimal clothing or outright nudity. It was this phenomenon that the Vanessa Hudgens/Selena Gomez vehicle Spring Breakers was satirizing, and the coverage of said film proves that Harmony Korine was dead-on. We may decry the tastelessness of Miley Cyrus’s (and, it should be noted, Robin Thicke’s) VMA performance from last August, but it was sadly a necessary evil. Ms. Cyrus can sing and her music is worth listening to. But would any of us have noticed if she hadn’t gotten quasi-naked on national television? Would Katy Perry, work ethic and talent aside, have broken out had she not produced a video where she shoots whip cream out of her breasts?
Cyrus has the chops to survive without the sexual titillation. But it is that very titillation that she has been condemned for which put her over the edge. Today’s actresses and pop stars face a choice: Be damned if you flaunt your sexuality in perhaps conventional (and male-gaze-ish) ways, or risk being ignored if you hope that you can get by purely on the art and the talent. Now every female celebrity is being quizzed about their opinions of Ms. Cyrus in the hopes that they will slut-shame her. Others still are coming off as “brave” for condemning such behavior, hypocrisy be damned. I’d rather not decry Cyrus’s exhibitionism or even denounce those who would tisk-tisk her behavior, but instead decry the environment that made such grade-school titillation the best and quickest pathway to success.
“It is a man suggesting that there are ‘blurred lines’ when it comes to sexual consent and that is unacceptable.”
“since banning the song she has received many emails of support and “not one which comes close to a complaint.”
28 year old French tennis player Marion Bartoli is your 2013 Women’s Singles Wimbledon champion!
That’s Bartoli there on your left. And I’m sure you can see the problem here. You don’t? Oh, that might be because you’re not a BIG SEXIST ASSHOLE. Because, if you were, you’d take one good look at the Wimbledon champ on the left there, then take one good look at the Tennis player next to her, Sabine Lisicki, whom she beat to win the title and realize “THE WIMBLEDON CHAMPION IS NOT A TALL SKINNY BLONDE MODEL LOOKING WOMEN! THIS CAN’T BE!!!!”
If you open the official Wimbledon rule book to page 13405 you’ll see that “Being an official ‘Wimbledon Babe’ in the eyes of Dan over on Twitter” is one of the official qualifications of winning Wimbledon.”
Oh, wait a fucking second. No, it isn’t.
YEAH, BARTOLI. Being the champion of your chosen sport is all about how hot you are and totally not about being the absolute best at said sport. GOD, BARTOLI, WIMBLEDON CHAMPION, LEARN HOW TO PLAY SOME GOD DAMN TENNIS.
Women playing sports is totally useless if said women are not pleasing to the eye. I mean, what’s the point of women playing sports if it isn’t to please the male spectators?
Sadly, these aren’t the comments of a few misogynist shit bags. Hundreds and hundreds of tweets are attacking this girl because they don’t like how she LOOKS…
May the best man win!May the most attractive women win!”
I guess not too surprising to see this one from a dude who calls himself “London’s Stifler.”
"LOL! SHE"S SWEATING AFTER PLAYING SPORTS. WHO DOES THAT?!?!"
haha! A “back to the kitchen” joke! So original! And oddly enough, though, probably the least offensive out of all the Bartoli attacks.
And if you’re a Tennis-watching sexist and the whole “fat slut” this and “ugly face” that started to get a bit boring to you while watching Wimbledon, then you could have apparently focused on Bartoli’s “erect nipples” during the match like seemingly hundreds did…
Disgusting as it is objectifying any girl like this, would these dudes have had a problem with a braless Maria Sharapova running around the Tennis court? Or would they have been clamoring for her to take her top off too?
Before you answer my clearly rhetorical questions, let these fine folks answer it for you…
Oh, and those last few tweets reminded me! Some of these assholes don’t just think Bartoli is an ugly woman, possibly a “dyke-y” lesbian. Some are convinced that if a woman doesn’t fit society’s norms of what’s “hot” AND she is good at sports, well, then DUH! she has to be a MAN! And they’re cool with sexually assaulting her to prove it!
Props to the Twitter account @EverydaySexism for pointing out what was going on. Below are some of the tweets they found:
Personally, I like how this dude felt he needed to @ REPLY TO HER, just to make sure she saw this horrible shit.
On the bright side, when asked about BBC commentator John Inverdale remarks on her “never going to be a looker" (yeah that’s right, she received this shit from the BBC too), Bartoli said:
"It doesn’t matter, honestly. I am not blonde, yes. That is a fact. Have I dreamt about having a model contract? No. I’m sorry. But have I dreamed about winning Wimbledon? Absolutely, yes."
And that’s one of the many actual reasons Marion Bartoli “deserves” to be Wimbledon Champion.
Jon Coumes April 7, 2013
After contending with decades of scorn, geeks are finally at the cool kids’ table. Unless the weird and misogynistic fringes of nerd culture topple it all.
Rex Features via AP Images
Only in the modern day would McLovin get laid and not a beating. In years past, playing Dungeons & Dragons was as bad as smoking crack on the after-school special scale of things; today, we’re in the middle of a board game renaissance. In the ’80s, we had the panty- and tech-obsessed flies-on-the-wall in Sixteen Candles who couldn’t imagine talking to a girl; the ’90s gave us Office Space’s Milton Waddams and his stutterous Swingline obsession. On TV, geeks were the butt of the joke—Minkus and Urkel set the standard. Now we’ve got Big Bang Theory topping the charts (bad as it is) and Community’s Abed getting the girl. But it’s all in jeopardy. There’s a sweaty, lonely, sexist underbelly at the grassroots of geekery—the nerds of the nerds—that’s threatening the cool we’ve spent decades cultivating. And thanks to digital interconnectivity, the trolls at the geek fringe are more of a danger to society than they get credit for.
This digital interconnectivity, lauded for its ability to let us group around big issues and cultural petit-fours alike, also gives us anorexia encouragement, cannibalism, Buzzfeed, and guys who get off by climbing naked onto man-sized balloons (seriously, that’s a thing). Web communities become echo chambers where prejudices amplify. It’s like getting all your news from Fox or StormFront—stay long enough and you start believing that white people are just better. Tim Burke, a professor of History at Swarthmore University who studies virtual worlds, says that the Internet gives movements the “ability to snowball with tremendous speed. The emotional feedback is intense.”
Travel to any nerd-dominated forum—SomethingAwful or Life, the Universe, and Everything on GameFaqs—and witness this snowball in action over the “plight” of the nice guy. They listen to their female friends’ problems, going out of their way to be compassionate and are rewarded with friendship instead of sex. Then they get on the Internet and rail against their love interests. Says one Redditor, “Like many of you, I’m just another fucking nice guy. People walk all over me, girls only acknowledge me for favors, and I never ask for anything in return. … I can’t be that asshole that girls like.” “Why,” asks one ‘nice guy’ user, “do girls arbitrarily decide what guy to fuck? Instead of going ‘This guy is funny, smart, and a great person. I think I’ll fuck him,’ they usually decide to fuck some random douchebag with no redeeming qualities instead.” “Smaller brains,” replies one user. “Women are so stupid,” adds another. A third contends that “what it boils down to is the girl is very immature and insecure, among other things … that’s why the feminist movement exists.”
Some fraction of these dudes will “man up” and click over to a Pick-Up-Artist site where they can learn tricks that will totally trick girls into sleeping with them. You might remember how ridiculous the show on VH1 was, but PUA has an army of adherents. On Pick-Up-Artist-Forum.com, one user says he was “hanging out with a HB7 [Hot Babe, 7 out of 10]” and as she’s talking, he begins “wiping [his] face near [his] mouth and looking at her in bewilderment.” When she asks what’s up, he implies that she’s been spitting on him. Why? “Women can’t help but feel embarrassed if they were spitting on you while talking, so technically we are performing a DLV [display low value] on her to make her feel like shit …[it] works wonders.” That’s objectification at its geekiest—as long as you’ve studied, inputs will equal putting out. It’s an attitude that, in these male-dominated corners of the Internet, develops into full-blown misogyny.
Commenters on practically any message board are liable to respond to women with “tits or get the fuck out,” denigrate gays, and video game competitors joke about raping their female opponents during fighting game tournaments and then contend that sort of language is just part of the scene. According to Burke, the justifications are standardized—“they say ‘it’s not really sexist, it’s just the way we talk,’ and that ‘gay doesn’t really refer to homosexuals or imply homophobia.’” Some of that may be true, he says, but the misogyny is undeniable. “You can see it in the intensity of reaction to female voices. That’s real.” When an impressionable loner-geek mixes PUA’s disordered approach to women with the feminist hate and lady-bashing, we lose him and get a Men’s Rights Activist. It’s such a problem that lady nerds launched whole projects just to shed some light on it. Anita Sarkeesian Kickstarted a web-series on misogyny in videogames, and the reaction was so rabidly, vehemently antagonistic that she was able to give a TedxWomen talk about online harrassment, cyber-mobs, and rape culture group-think just based on the experience. Traditional feminists, for their part, haven’t started a counter to the Men’s Rights Movement, because that’s what they’ve been fighting all along.
Geeks may go the other way and join a community of alienation, like ALonelyLife, where a meme about being forever alone meets reality. RealDoll enthusiasts have built up a fraternity wherein it’s acceptable to marry silicone simulacra. Bronies are grown men who love and bond over the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic in large part because of how friendly and accepting the pony characters are, how welcoming their world is. Brony communities invented ‘bronyspeak’ and use codes of community-enforced niceness so that ‘nopony’ has to suffer social rejection. Anime ‘waifu’ adherents have rejected the “impurity” of 3D love for the 2D variety. None of these folks are necessarily hurting anyone, but they’re messing with nerdom’s social fabric, pushing it farther away from society at large and making it more repugnant all around.
The corruption of whole swathes of male geekdom is distressing for every nerd with a job and a life who doesn’t need comic book or video game characters to rock a double-D endowment, who’s uncomfortable with widespread mistreatment of women on the web, who knows that right now, the biggest entertainment industry by far is games, and that the coolest job anyone can have is at Google. We had gotten to the point where we could be openly geeky without being stereotyped as neckbearded, sweaty basement-dwellers, but those anime-pillow-loving guys are holding us back.
As the Internet ages, Burke says, we’ll get “people choosing to associate in smaller communities with smaller and more particular cultural or social interests.” The upshot of folks becoming basement-trolls is the loss of their social capital—when contingents of geeks break off from greater nerdery and cloister themselves into increasingly antisocial, niche cliques, they lose the tools to live in society at large, to communicate collectively, and to affect social and political institutions. Burke says that the loss of social capital across a society is the “classic fear among social thinkers,” but it also presents a problem when it’s just chunks of a social demographic. Nerds writ large lose some of their power when factions act poorly (the power that lets us stop bills like CISPA) but that could be the least of their troubles.
What if some of the worst trends of nerdom run amok? Look at Japan—from the groping that’s so endemic in its public spaces that authorities have given up enforcement (they’ve created male/female subways) to vending machines that dispense soiled women’s underwear, something’s gone terribly wrong. They have a pandemic of hikikomori, guys who feel so divorced from the social scene that they leave it altogether for the solitude of their rooms and computers, all born of the same alienation that our nerds engage in. Japanese men are having sex and kids in smaller numbers than they ever have—one in four Japanese men in their 30s are virgins, and have given up on real relationships for videogame women or pillow wives—so much so that it’s a national crisis. Men in the United States have taken a different route, frustrated opprobrium rather than apathy, but the land of the rising sun is proof positive that, whether or not you care if geek is cool, trends like ours can go South like a carpetbagger.
Carbonite CEO David Friend on why the company is still dropping its advertisements from Rush Limbaugh’s show despite his faux apology.
Bravo to Carbonite and their CEO. More of this, please.
Part of me thinks it’s too soon to be writing about this because I don’t think I’ve completely processed how I feel, but I also think maybe this has happened to other women and I should talk about it in as raw a way as possible. I’m still really embarrassed and ashamed and garbled up inside, but maybe this can start a helpful discussion in terms of women and comedy.
Last night, I was on a stand up show in the East Village. The show started out with a small crowd and the host did an amazing job interacting with them and riling them up. By the time I got on stage, there were about 20 or so more people in the audience and the place had really filled up. The show was still kind of loose because of the back and forth between the host and the audience, so when I got on stage, I riffed a bit about the stuff that had happened before and then talked to one guy on the side of the audience who the host had dubbed “Banana Republic.” All joke-y. All in good fun.
Then, I start my actual set and do my first two jokes, which go pretty okay. I start another joke that is vaguely sexual - not crude, not crass - mainly silly and that goes well too. The next joke I do is about my boyfriend.
At a comedy show, when you’re on stage, usually you can’t see the audience because of the bright lights. So I’m looking into pitch darkness. As I start the joke, someone yells, “Does your boyfriend know?” referring to the sexuality joke I’d just told. I stop, laugh and say that he does because I think it’s just more of the loose environment that’s been going on at this show. I attribute it to an audience member just having fun.
I start to tell the joke about my boyfriend again, and at the midway point, the same voice yells something else derogatory about my boyfriend, homophobic and misogynistic towards me. I stop, confused. I can’t see who is talking to me so I make a HUGE mistake and say, “Sir, if you’re gonna talk to me, you need to come to the front because I can’t see you.” I think calling him out like this will shut him up.